Why Putting Cups Upside Down In The Cupboard is Stupid

That's right! Two blogs on the trot about cups. Cups are important. We drink tea and coffee and cup-a-soups out of them. And we put them in our actual mouths. I don't know about you, but I'm rather picky about what I put in MY mouth. Some people insist on putting cups in the cupboard UPSIDE DOWN?! Why? They say it's more hygienic. IT IS NOT MORE HYGIENIC YOU FUCKING MORON! The best explanation I have had about why it is more hygienic is that there is dust flying about in the air and it will LAND IN YOUR CUP... through the cupboard door of course. It must also be super fast cup-seeking-dust that will ATTACK, the second the cup is placed in the cupboard, in an attempt to FILL THE CUP WITH DUST and before you decide to have a brew within the few minutes/hours/days since it was placed there. I guess if it's there for a long time (months/years) then this kind of makes sense.

BUT, how is THIS for SENSE? The shelf in a cupboard is usually covered in MORE dust and who knows what else. How often do you clean the shelves in your cupboards? Not every time you place a cup in there I wager. So the shelf is about the dirtiest and most unhygienic item that is likely to come into contact with a cup during a storage situation. And what do you put on that shelf? The bottom of the cup, which is of no consequence? No. You put the TOP of the cup on the dirty shelf. The only part of the cup that GOES IN YOUR MOUTH is placed against the dirty surface, you dirty fucking repulsive mother fucker. You make me SICK! Possibly literally. 

So, when you place a clean cup the wrong way up on a shelf, I have to wash it again so I don't DIE OF SHELF RABIES!

That is why putting cups upside down on shelves is STUPID. DON'T DO IT!

I, Me, Mine... MUG!

I have a slight over-protective obsession with something. It's a cup. It's MY cup. It's MY cup at work. It's not your cup. Don't even think about using it. It's MINE!

The cup is the one in the picture.  It's a Beatles Yellow Submarine mug. I bought it in my last job when my Homer Simpson one finally had all the picture washed off in the dishwasher at work.  I have loved it ever since. A brew, at work, in any other cup really doesn't taste the same. Tea, coffee, cup-a-soup are all markedly improved by the magic of The Beatles and their yellow submersible vessel.  When I started in this job it started to go missing on a number of mornings. I think this really bred the obsession to a fever pitch. I managed to put a stop to my cup going walk-a-bout by leaving a note for the cleaner every day to leave my dirty cup on my desk. I would wash it myself in the morning. I was happy to clean my own cup. Soon I stopped leaving the note and the cleaner continued to leave my cup. Problem solved. Then we got a new cleaner and it started going into the dishwasher each night again. The cup started wandering again. Turned out that one of the draughtsmen made a brew for the Chairman every morning and went for a chat with him. He had selected my cup for the Chairman. I had words with both and it was accepted that this was MY FUCKING CUP! It stopped. I was happy and my cup was being washed for me. So, bonus!

We started to grow as a company and the fresh blood weren't respecting The Cup. I would find it on other people's desks. A couple more conversations were had and I think it is generally known that the Yellow Submarine cup is Craig's and he is a bit weird about it, so use another one.

Then disaster struck. I came into work one morning and couldn't find my cup. I looked in the usual places (cupboard, dishwasher and desk) and couldn't see it. I was about to start scouring people's desks when I noticed a strange shape on the worktop next to the bin. A collection of shards. A collection of shards with red portholes on a yellow background and a handle. I had a small mental breakdown witnessed by one of the engineers who couldn't believe that someone would hold the shards of a vessel for tea and coffee in their hands and just stare at them without saying anything, then yell, "FUCKING TWATS!!!!" And proceed to  take a picture of the shards on his phone and type something into it (pictures on Twitter and Facebook). The people of Twitter and Facebook were very understanding and a lot of people (well, @KandicePieterse) started a hunt for an identical replacement. Kandice (to whom I am eternally grateful) found one and I ordered it. It arrived a few days later. A few days which I spent moaning about the SHIT brews I was ENDURING.  Turns out the cleaner had dropped it and broke it and had just left it on the side for me to find. No note. No apology. No nothing. It's ok, they're dead now. Not really, but they have been sacked. Some say it was down to the fact they were shit cleaners. Others say it's down to the fact that they were stealing things. Me, I say it was FUCKING KARMA FOR BREAKING MY FUCKING CUP YOU FUCKING CUNTBUCKETS!!!!

Losing and regaining my mug only made the connection stronger. I had experienced the worst kind of loss when it comes to a brew receptacle and I did not like it ONE LITTLE FUCKING BIT! I never intend to go through that again. So I am now even more protective of my cup. I came in last week and couldn't find it. The receptionist saw me starting to have a breakdown and looked on every desk and in every cupboard. She found it. I don't know where, I just know she is one of the good guys and will be saved when the revolution comes.

This morning I was a little busy first thing. Some bollocks about the main server not working. I didn't make it as far as my morning brew, as I had to do some work stuff. During the course of this work stuff I saw one on the Senior Consultants walk past my desk carrying 3 cups. One of them was MINE! I dropped what I was doing and followed him. He put my cup on one of the other Senior Consultant's desks. I walked over to them both. "You've got my cup!" Awkward silence. They both looked at each other as if I was the mental one here. Maybe they didn't hear me? At a loss for anything else to say I said it again. "You've got MY cup!". I probably emphasised the "my" a bit too much because they both looked a little sheepish now. Another awkward silence. This time broken by the person who had had the brew made for him, "Would you like it back?".

"Yes please". 

"Ok, I'll go and wash it for you". Too fucking right! I didn't want it back with his fucking brew in. I walked away victorious and got back onto the slightly lesser issue of no one being able to do any work because of a broken server.

A couple of minutes later my cleaned cup was returned to me by a slightly bemused engineer. 

I just had a cup of tea in it. It was, as always, the BEST cup of tea EVER!