"What the hell are you talking about?", you are obviously thinking. "Do you break into sci-fi star's homes, and hide in their kitchen, to watch them assemble snacks?!" I fucking wish!!! The reality of this tale is slightly less crimey/stalkery and slightly more theatrey.
"Do you want to come down to London and watch Macbeth?". My cousin, Dan, speaking. Me, "Errrrmmmm....".
"Patrick Stewart is Macbeth!"
"I am fucking there!"
So it was that me, Sharon and Auntie Kath (Dan's mum) caught a train to that there London to watch Captain Picard do some Shakespeare. We met in a pub near the theatre and had a pint, then went to the performance.
I don't read (or watch) a lot of Shakespeare, but I had read Macbeth at school. Although I didn't really get it at the time, I remember it being quite actiony and murdery. (I've done a lot of putting a Y on the end of words now. I'll stop.) To me most Shakespeare seems to be a good story, with quite inaccessible language. But the good story carries you through and you get the gist. When it is well acted, it is very entertaining. Apart from Romeo and Juliet, of course. I have tried and tried to get that. I don't. It's a shit story. A couple of kids fall in love and get married in a few days and then kill themselves, rather than just running away. Don't buy it. Don't get into it. Don't like it. Even when it's well acted I have no emotional investment whatsoever. Enough of my highbrow Shakespeare analysis, back to THE SANDWICH!
This version of Macbeth was set in the Russian Revolution and was very good. Patrick Stewart was brilliant in the lead and you couldn't take your eyes off him. Unless you were Sharon. Sharon fell asleep. She is obviously spoilt by her much better crafted Australian soaps. Patrick Stewart's most amazing moment in the play is during a big speech in the second half. The acting was great and the delivery perfect, but what mesmerised me was his prop work. Whilst speaking he gets a loaf of bread out and starts cutting it. He applies a liberal amount of butter, followed by a good dollop of mustard. I couldn't stop watching his hands. "He's actually making a sandwich!" Next came some ham and pickle. "That looks like a good sandwich." He takes a knife and cuts it. "Surely he's not going to eat it?!" He then takes the most enormous bite of the sandwich! "HE IS! HE'S EATING THE FUCKER!!!"
It stands as the most amazing piece of theatre I have ever seen! It was 6 years ago and EVERY time I see Dan, we tell the story of "Captain Picard's Sandwich" in minute detail. Sharon (who was there) and Laura (Dan's girlfriend) can recount every word and are thoroughly SICK of the story. Me and Dan will NEVER tire of the most defining moment in Shakespearean history!
Here is a video of the film version of that glorious moment. Watch it. Savour it... Pretend it's as good as the theatre version of it.
