SKY have pissed me off this week. I am really happy with the TV package I have with them. I am happy with the broadband they provide. I am also happy with the Talk package they provide for my phone. What I am not happy with is having to deal with their Customer Services.
We have been getting annoying phone calls for the past few months. Nothing malicious, just a man or a woman of a foreign persuasion who ring up repeatedly, at all hours, and don't understand us when we say, "YOU HAVE GOT THE WRONG NUMBER AGAIN!!! IT'S 2AM!!! PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF THE BABY JESUS, STOP CALLING US!" As it's an overseas number BT can't block it. I asked BT to change my number. They said, "Sure, £25"! I told them to stick it. I asked Sky if I could transfer my line rental to them and then change my number through them. They said I could. Every time I rang Sky to see how this was progressing they had never heard of this order and I had to start all over again. In the end I told them that I was trying to move my line rental to them as BT were a "useless shower of bastards", but as they were proving to be "an even more useless shower of bastards" they should forget it. Fortunately @BTCare had gotten in touch with me on Twitter and offered to do the number change for free. They did and they were brilliant. I would recommend going through them for all your telecommunication needs.
So my number change was done. Next I had to contact Sky again (sigh) and get them to transfer my Sky Talk package across to the new number. The telephone call went something like this. It is not an exact transcript. It is my memory of the conversation.
*Automated Skynet system asks me to press buttons for the option I want. None are precisely what I want so I randomly press buttons until I get to a point where it stops asking me to press buttons*
Skynet: Please say your postcode now
Craig: *Says postcode*
Skynet: *pauses* I'm sorry. I didn't catch that. Please say your postcode now
Craig: *Says postcode very deliberately*
Skynet: *pauses* I'm sorry. I didn't catch that. Please say your postcode now
Craig: Your. Voice. Recognition. Software. Is. Shit.
Skynet: *pauses* I'm sorry. I didn't catch that. Transferring you to an operator now.
Craig: Finally!
Irene: Hello. You're through to Sky Customer Services. My name is Irene. How can I help you?
Craig: Hello. I have recently changed my telephone number and I would like you to update my Sky Talk package to my new number. I haven't moved house. I just have a new telephone number
Irene: Wait, *struggles with concept*, You have a NEW telephone number? Why would you want a new telephone number?
Craig: Errrr. We were getting some nuisance phone calls. It's not important. I have a new number and I would like you to change your records.
Irene: Ok. I can't see a record of a number change on my system?
Craig: I. Know. I am telling you now. My line rental is with BT. My calls are with you.
Irene: Oh ok. You know you can have your line rental through us?
Craig: Yeah. I had heard. But as I've spent months repeatedly placing the order and you forget about it a week later I am staying with BT.
Irene: I have no record of you ever placing an order with us for that.
Craig: See.
Irene: I could create an order for it now.
Craig: No thank you. Can you just proceed with updating the Sky Talk number.
Irene: OK. I see on my system that you have a free Sky HD box available. It's a self install box. We usually charge £199 for the box and £60 for the installation. But if you install the box yourself it is free. Would you like it?
Craig: *thinks about the fact that he doesn't have SkyHD, but the hard drive is twice the size* If it's free then yes please.
Irene: You will only have to pay for the £15 delivery charge. Is that ok?
Craig: I think I can stretch to that yes.
Irene: That's great. I just need to read out some standard terms and conditions.... *blah blah*.... 1 years subscription... *blah blah*.... cancellation within term.... *blah blah*.....HD channels.... *blah blah*.... is that OK?
Craig: Can I just confirm? I am not signing up to an increased subscription. I just want my free box.
Irene: Oh, you would have to pay the £10.25 a month for the HD.
Craig: You never said that?
Irene: I did! In the terms and conditions.
Craig: Hmmmmm. That wasn't very clear. Let me be clear. I don't want to increase my subscription. Let's cancel that "free" box now.
Irene: Ok. I have cancelled that. I will transfer you to Sky Talk who will sort out your number change.
Craig: Thank you. You sneaky fucker!
Sky Talk: Errrr.... hello?
Craig: Hello
Sky Talk: I believe you want to talk to me?
Craig: *sighs at having to start again*
From that point on it was fairly standard and he said that the change would take between 24 - 72 hours and PROMISED that my broadband would not go off.
Let's see what happens.
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