Willkommen in der Schweiz

My cousin and his girlfriend recently moved to Zurich, where he has been sent on a 6 month secondment for work. Sharon and I had been talking about going to Switzerland, so we decided to combine going and seeing them with seeing Zurich. We booked a couple of flights and a hotel for a long weekend.

On Friday we got on an aeroplane and flew the short flight to Zurich. From there it was 15 minutes by train to the centre, and a short walk to the hotel.  All steps went without incident. We went into our hotel and, again, all went smoothly. They had our reservation and payment and gave us the key to our room.

We went up to our room and I set about putting the iPad and iPhones on the free wireless. As I was sat at the desk that looks out of the window Sharon walked over and looked out. "OH MY GOD!!! There are people having sex right across from us". I looked up and, indeed, there was a woman quite openly riding a bloke in the window directly opposite from ours. No curtains or blinds drawn. No sign of being bothered that they were on display to an entire hotel. I put it down to being one of those things and got back to work on the iPad. But, I am a human being and I couldn't help but glance up occasionally. About 5 minutes later I glanced up and they had finished. Thank fuck for that. But, "OH!". There she is. In the other window. Getting a drink. Naked. Walking around. Naked. With no clothes on. Naked. 

Thank you Switzerland. That was quite an interesting welcome.

We decided to go for a walk and call in on my cousin and his girlfriend. We had a quick brew, said hello,  and arranged to meet for food later. We then went to explore. We found the Christmas Market and had a couple of gluhwein. Very tasty they were too. Then we decided to go into a pub, where I would get a pint and Sharon a cocktail. There was an Australian pub next to the German Market, so that seemed an easy start. We walked in and sat down. Sharon got the cocktail menu and decided she wanted a "Sex on the Beach". I made some HILARIOUS jokes about it maybe being a little cold for that. And Sharon laughed appropriately (stared blankly until I had finished). I decided that, it being an Australian theme bar, I couldn't go far wrong with "Pint of Fosters, bitte". I walked up to the bar and waited. A man walked over and stood next to me also waiting. The barmaid asked who was next and he indicated me. In my best German (English with "bitte" on the end) I asked for a Sex on the Beach and a pint of Fosters. The barmaid understood and then asked the bloke next to me what he wanted. He ordered in German and all appeared to be going swimmingly. Our two orders were being done collectively by the barmaid and a barman. The barman pulled a pint of Fosters and put it in front of the bloke next to me. I had heard his order. It was all in German. I did not hear him say the word "Fosters" once. That would have stood out to me. So I gestured to the pint and asked if that was his. He answered in German but made a gesture that seemed to indicate a negative response. So I picked the pint up and took a large swig. He looked rather shocked. The barman then walked over with MY pint of Fosters and went to put it in front of me. On seeing I already had one he looked confused and then seeing the horror in my eyes, understood, laughed and put it in front of the other bloke. I turned to the bloke, "I am SOOO sorry." He THEN spoke English and said it was ok and not to worry. I willed the ground to swallow me up, but as it wouldn't I took another swig of my beer. The barmaid said the price of the round to me. In German. I can count up to 5 in German. And as Sharon's cocktail was 15CHF, it definitely cost more than 5. So I was stumped. I asked if she could say the price in English. She did. I didn't understand because of her accent. So I asked again. Nope. Still didn't get it. So I pulled a 50CHF note from my wallet and said, "I'm sure that will be enough". It was plenty.

Typical Brit abroad. Sorry Switzerland. I did make more effort to order in German and definitely didn't blatantly drink someone else's drink as the weekend progressed and seemed to do ok. 

Operation: Do Some Exercise Every Day Until I Lose A Stone

Recently I have been quite busy. Partly drinking; partly sitting; mainly getting fat. Not, "Oh my God, have you seen that bloke waddle towards Disney Land" fat, but definitely larger. I weigh the most I have ever done. It's ok, I am the most married I have ever been and I am currently the oldest I have ever been too, but I would like to not have to buy new clothes on the basis of size rather than wearing out.

I currently weigh 12 stone. See, not MASSIVE. I have usually hovered around the 10.5 stone mark. When me and Sharon first met 5 years ago I weighed 9.5 stone, but I was under weight. About 10.5 - 11 stone is perfectly good for me. 12 stone isn't terrible, but everything is a bit more uncomfortable and tight. I want to be 11 stone so I can be comfy again. Actually, I don't care about the weight, I'm not a girl, I just want to lose my belly and feel comfy again. I just happen to know about 11 stone will be about right for this.

So, what to do? Drink less? Yes. Eat less? Yes. Exercise more? Definitely! The drinking and eating less will be a minor adjustment. The exercising rather more so. Cos I do fuck all again. This has only been the case for 5 - 6 months, but combined with eating and drinking slightly more it has made a big difference.

The plan? Eat and drink slightly less and exercise, to a degree, every day. It doesn't have to be a marathon a day. Just something that I could consider getting off my arse for a period of at least 30 mins. It can be anything. Go for a run; ride my bike; go for a walk; do some press ups; do some DIY. Just something.

I started yesterday. As it was day 1 I pushed it. I have done fuck all in ages and I ran 4 miles. It hurt like a bitch. From nothing to running for 40+ mins is a fucking pain in the arse... and legs... and chest... and head... and everywhere else. Today has been a struggle to walk in a way that didn't invoke comedy stares or Sharon saying, "You do realise that you are walking like John Wayne?". Now, Sharon doesn't seem to know anything about cool old pop culture so I am just impressed that she has heard of John Wayne, but I would like to walk properly. Today was made worse by the fact that I visited my dad for dinner and Football Focus, as I do every week. Instead of driving I cycled the hilly hilly McBilly 7 mile round trip, then I walked the 30 minutes each way walk into town with Sharon this afternoon. The upshot is my legs are double fucked and lots of people got to witness my comedy walk. Still, it's a start and things can only get easier.

Now I have to continue exercising every day until I lose that stone. Hence the name "Operation: Do Some Exercise Every Day Until I Lose A Stone" (A cryptic name I know). 

I won't be doing lots of blogs on this. I have wrote about exercise and running early on in this blog and I moved away from that because it was quite serious and boring. I'm sure I'll let you know when I've lost half a stone/a stone though. 

Watch this (increasing) space (around my figure... I hope).