On Friday we got on an aeroplane and flew the short flight to Zurich. From there it was 15 minutes by train to the centre, and a short walk to the hotel. All steps went without incident. We went into our hotel and, again, all went smoothly. They had our reservation and payment and gave us the key to our room.
We went up to our room and I set about putting the iPad and iPhones on the free wireless. As I was sat at the desk that looks out of the window Sharon walked over and looked out. "OH MY GOD!!! There are people having sex right across from us". I looked up and, indeed, there was a woman quite openly riding a bloke in the window directly opposite from ours. No curtains or blinds drawn. No sign of being bothered that they were on display to an entire hotel. I put it down to being one of those things and got back to work on the iPad. But, I am a human being and I couldn't help but glance up occasionally. About 5 minutes later I glanced up and they had finished. Thank fuck for that. But, "OH!". There she is. In the other window. Getting a drink. Naked. Walking around. Naked. With no clothes on. Naked.
Thank you Switzerland. That was quite an interesting welcome.
We decided to go for a walk and call in on my cousin and his girlfriend. We had a quick brew, said hello, and arranged to meet for food later. We then went to explore. We found the Christmas Market and had a couple of gluhwein. Very tasty they were too. Then we decided to go into a pub, where I would get a pint and Sharon a cocktail. There was an Australian pub next to the German Market, so that seemed an easy start. We walked in and sat down. Sharon got the cocktail menu and decided she wanted a "Sex on the Beach". I made some HILARIOUS jokes about it maybe being a little cold for that. And Sharon laughed appropriately (stared blankly until I had finished). I decided that, it being an Australian theme bar, I couldn't go far wrong with "Pint of Fosters, bitte". I walked up to the bar and waited. A man walked over and stood next to me also waiting. The barmaid asked who was next and he indicated me. In my best German (English with "bitte" on the end) I asked for a Sex on the Beach and a pint of Fosters. The barmaid understood and then asked the bloke next to me what he wanted. He ordered in German and all appeared to be going swimmingly. Our two orders were being done collectively by the barmaid and a barman. The barman pulled a pint of Fosters and put it in front of the bloke next to me. I had heard his order. It was all in German. I did not hear him say the word "Fosters" once. That would have stood out to me. So I gestured to the pint and asked if that was his. He answered in German but made a gesture that seemed to indicate a negative response. So I picked the pint up and took a large swig. He looked rather shocked. The barman then walked over with MY pint of Fosters and went to put it in front of me. On seeing I already had one he looked confused and then seeing the horror in my eyes, understood, laughed and put it in front of the other bloke. I turned to the bloke, "I am SOOO sorry." He THEN spoke English and said it was ok and not to worry. I willed the ground to swallow me up, but as it wouldn't I took another swig of my beer. The barmaid said the price of the round to me. In German. I can count up to 5 in German. And as Sharon's cocktail was 15CHF, it definitely cost more than 5. So I was stumped. I asked if she could say the price in English. She did. I didn't understand because of her accent. So I asked again. Nope. Still didn't get it. So I pulled a 50CHF note from my wallet and said, "I'm sure that will be enough". It was plenty.
Typical Brit abroad. Sorry Switzerland. I did make more effort to order in German and definitely didn't blatantly drink someone else's drink as the weekend progressed and seemed to do ok.
Really, you should have picked that fellow's Fosters up and thrown it in his face saying "That's what you get for making an Englishman witness sexual intercourse." It is only by taking a stand that we can expect Johnny Foreigner to raise his game.
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