Next Time On...

I really like watching TV programs and films. They are amongst my favourite moving pictures that there is. I especially like them when I don't know what is going to happen. The suspense is one of the best things about watching things. Not knowing what is going to happen; trying to work it out; being happy when you were right and being shocked when something happens that you didn't see coming at all. It's brilliantly entertaining.  So, why then, do they have to have "Next Time On..." at the end of programs? I will be watching it anyway. I don't want to see a clip of the best bit and then not be surprised by it. I want to enjoy that moment for the first time in the context of the program. Am I the only person who goes, "NOOOO!!! LA LAA LAAAAARRRR!!!" and switches off when I see an advert for the next episode of something I want to watch or when the "Next Time On..." comes on at the end of a program? They tend to give you way more information than is necessary to entice. They give away actual plot. Sharon watches Home & Away and their "Next Time On..." is pretty much a synopsis of the next episode. They might as well say, "If you're not going to be able to watch the next episode, but will watch the one after that, here is what you will need to know." Now, I'm not a Home & Away fan, so I really don't give a shit and just watch with mild interest how Sharon can let it tell her everything that is coming and then still watch it.

Then there are adverts for films. Adverts for films are a brilliant thing. You may not know a film is coming out. It's not like an advert for a TV series. You know that is on. It shouldn't have to give you an idea of what's coming. It should just tell you when it's on. End of. An advert at the pictures needs to give you a BRIEF idea of the concept of a film. Not the story, but just enough to make you go "Oooo. That looks interesting. I think I'll watch that". It should not contain the BEST jokes/action sequence/major plot twists. What is the fucking point? A good example of a bad advert is The Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes. The advert for that was a 2 minute summary of the film. It meant that I really didn't enjoy the film at all, because the film just filled in the holes with action sequences between the plot outline given in the advert. They could have just shown a scientist, a monkey, and said, "How it all began" and then showed the title of the film. THAT would have been much more enticing and would have made the film a lot more enjoyable for me. Imagine they used that idea when advertising The Matrix, or The Sixth Sense or fucking The Empire Strikes Back. (*EMPIRE SPOILER* Don't read the next quote if you are newly on Planet Earth. I will come on to people spoiling things next and so chose a very famous twist)  "Watch the next instalment in the Star Wars saga, where we find out that Darth Vader is Luke's father and then chops his hand off." That is the level of spoiler we get with adverts these days. Cinema people, put the intrigue back into the adverts!

Finally, as mentioned, we have people who spoil things for you. Accidentally is fine, occasionally. It's annoying, but some people just let things slip or don't realise you haven't seen something yet (I am reminded of a recent Doctor Who incident with a friend). It happens. But SOME PEOPLE relish in telling you things when you haven't seen something. They try to PRETEND they are being good about it and protecting the story, but they are not. They are being TWATS! They say, "I won't tell you anything significant. I'll just tell you this..." and then tell you something, which means you see something coming once you see things start to unfold when watching it. There are two people I know who are very good at this. The first is my Dad. He isn't too bad. He just tends to tell me jokes from something I am going to watch. It sometimes means I don't laugh at the joke, but not often as the joke is usually about the context and so is funny anyway. He sometimes tells me about something that happens in a film or TV program, but it's never a plot twist. It's usually about a good action sequence. Which again, doesn't detract too much from actually watching it. The second person, however, is someone at work. It's probably better if I tell you about a specific program (without using ANY specific examples... don't worry). The program is Fringe. I got into Fringe relatively late. The third series was just coming to an end. I didn't watch any of the third series first off, I just heard that much praise for it that I decided I wanted to watch it. My cousin bought me series 1 & 2 on DVD for my birthday and me and Sharon started to watch. Two people at work are really into Fringe. And one sits next to me. The other comes over to talk to him about it. That is fine. I just say, "DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING!" or I go and make a brew if they want to talk in depth about it. I'm not about to put a censor on what people can talk about. Just don't say it to me. The one who sits next to me respected my not wanting to know. Especially with something like Fringe, where you don't see a lot of things that are coming and they like to throw in twists and turns. The other LOVED giving me hints to things in a, claimed, not very hinty way. He would say things like, "I won't tell you anything I'll just say XXXX XXXX". BANG! I would start thinking about that phrase. I would try not to, but I would ultimately work it in before that thing happened. SPOILED! Bastard! It meant that I dragged Sharon through a quite gruelling regime of Fringe watching and we are now up to date with how far through series 4 they are. Partly because I wanted to know what happened, but MAINLY because I HAD to be up to the same point at this person so he couldn't ruin things for me any more. For the record he is a company director, so the option of telling him to "FUCK OFF AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!" was never really viable.

Next time on @mightytonka's blog...