I HATE having a mobile phone. Fucking hate it! I hate it so much that I have three of the fuckers! Fucking THREE phones!!! So obviously, I LOVE having a mobile phone too.
There are three things to address here:
1. Why do I have three mobile phones?
2. Why do I LOVE having a mobile phone?
3. Why do I HATE having a mobile phone?
Might as well break those three things down into headings. Here goes:
1. Why do I have three mobile phones?
I have three mobile phones for the usual reason that people have more than one mobile phone. Firstly, I have my nice shiny personal iPhone 4. It is my main phone. It is white and pretty and shiny. It is my connection to my life. Secondly, I have my company HTC Wildfire S. I need to be contacted on the go, or out of office hours, for work and I am loathed to give out my personal number, so I have a company mobile. I also support the company mobile phones, so it is worth having one of the phones that people use so I am familiar with it. Thirdly, I have my old iPhone 3GS with a pay-as-you-go SIM card in it. I carry this with me when I go for a run or go out on my bike. Nice to be able to ring someone if I fall off and snap my leg. Also nice that it's not my shiny iPhone 4, in case falling off causes me to snap my phone. It's good too that only Sharon has the number, so I am out of touch with the world at large when out for a bit of exercise.
2. Why do I LOVE having a mobile phone?
I love having a mobile phone because we live in the information age and a phone is more than just a phone these days. It is your connection to that information. I can check emails; tweet; facebook; surf the internets and more, all from a convenient device which sits rather easily IN MY POCKET! If I'm a bit bored I can have a conversation with someone on Twitter without any effort. It is a marvel that we have all gotten used to very quickly.
3. Why do I HATE having a mobile phone?
The first part of this is not hate, it's a mild irk. It is the fact that I LOVE having this connection to the world so much. I now spend a lot of time checking this device to see what people I know, and don't know, are up to. I used to read a lot. Approximately a book a week. I now spend a large portion of the time I used to spend reading, looking at my phone. I probably average more like a book a month now. As I said, it is only a mild irk though, because if I HATED that so much, I would just put my phone down and pick up a book.
The real reason for my HATRED is the being reachable ALL THE FUCKING TIME for someone to talk to you! The thing I HATE about a mobile phone is the phone part. I am not a talking person. I don't do small talk and I CAN'T FUCKING STAND talking on the telephone. Most phone conversations I have are out of absolute necessity and last less than a minute. Just long enough to get across whatever information is needed. If I can do it by text instead, I will. But I will not get drawn into a text conversation either. It's almost as bad. That beep. That intrusion into your life. I'm eating my tea/watching Star Trek/staring into space, go away! Sharon's phone beeps about once a minute with a text and I don't know how she doesn't launch her phone across the room? Come to that, I don't know how I don't either? If someone texts me more than twice in a short space of time I start saying "OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!" every time it beeps. No matter how much I love the person on the other end.
If a phone rings then, oh Jesus Christ, what a nightmare. If my work phone rings, I answer it and it's not usually so bad. It's part of my job and the person on the other end has an IT problem they need fixing and it's a usually a very quick, functional phone call. Light on the small talk, usually none.
If the landline rings at home and I am in the house alone I begrudgingly answer it. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I let the machine get it and see what the person says. I get it because I don't know who is ringing. It may be my Mum/Dad/Nan/Sharon's Mum/Dad and it may be important. If Sharon is in, I say, "It's for you" and let her get it. It quite often is for me though and as it's the landline it's usually one of three people. My Mum; my Dad or my Nan. They usually have an IT problem they want me to look at and, as with work, it's usually a quick call because it's functional. There will be a bit of catching up, but my family aren't really phone people either, so it's minimal. If it's someone trying to sell me something they get told to "Fuck off and don't call again" in no uncertain terms.
If my mobile rings... I look at it as if the person on the other end has decided to take a SHIT in my MOUTH, rather than nicely talk to me. I HATE my mobile phone ringing. If it's a blocked number, then great. IGNORE! If it's someone I know though, I have an internal struggle with what to do. Why are they ringing? Why don't they just text or email me? This is the 21st Century after-all. Should I just ignore it? I don't. I love my friends, despite not really wanting to talk to them on the phone, so I answer it. If the person on the other end has an IT problem and they quickly want some advice, then it's not so bad. We have a quick functional phone call on our hands. BUT... If they say THOSE words. Those words I dread to hear more than any other on the phone. Those words that make me just want to die. "Hi. I just called for a chat." OH. GOD. NO. I hate "chatting". I don't do small talk. And I REALLY don't do small talk on the phone, where you can't read people as well. Without their face to go off it can be hard work. You know that about me. Why are you ringing me? How do people do that? Sit and talk on the phone for AGES. Some people talk for over an hour. How? If I see the timer on my phone has clocked more than about 4 minutes I think, "Jesus, that was a long phone call". Work, is different. Sometimes I have to spend half an hour talking someone through something. It's just the way it goes. But it's not chatting, so it's not so bad. Anyway, back to my mobile ringing. If you don't answer the call because you suspect it's a "chat", or you just missed the call, then they leave a voicemail saying, "Hi. Just call me back when you get a chance". Then you have to MAKE a phonecall for a chat. You can't ignore it because it's your friend and you love them. And they will KNOW you have ignored their call. That's why I HATE mobile phones. You can't get away. Even if you try, it's only a delay. They will always know. And you will always have to have that phone call.
So, this is the thing. I've made a decision. It's my life and I can do what I like with it. If something makes me unhappy and feel trapped then... I DON'T HAVE TO DO IT! I can take what I like from the devices I have and leave the bits I don't like. The decision is this. Line in the sand. I don't answer the phone any more. If you ring me, don't expect me to pick it up. If you leave me a voice mail, don't expect me to return the call. We can text/email the required info or if you need to tell me something, leave the voicemail. I'll listen to it... If it's for a chat, send me an email and I'll get back to you in my own time, or (I'm not totally dead inside) let's meet for a pint or something and chat face to face. I love you, it's not that I don't want to talk to you, it's your chosen method of communication with me I don't I like. I know this is my issue, but tough, you know what you signed up for when befriending me. I'm a bit of a moody twat and I've never hidden that.
There are obvious exceptions to this rule. They are: Work. I'm not about to stop answering the phone at work (as much as I would like to), I would get in trouble and may ultimately lose my job. It's just part of the role and I can handle that; Sharon. She is my wife. Get out of jail free card. I answer the phone to her. Always; My parents and my Nan. Same as wife.
Everyone else. Sorry. Nothing personal. It's just not for me. So if you know me and want to communicate with me, send me a text/email/tweet/facebook and I'll get back to you. Or we can have a pint.
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