"Shush now. We have the internets again!"

That's what I just sympathetically said to my wife, as she had a coughing fit and I was trying to watch the Avengers gag reel, now we had working broadband again at home.

It all started a few weeks ago. Actually, let's go back a bit further. You could say, it started a few months ago. I moved the Wii through to the extension and it couldn't reach the wireless any more. I bought a wireless repeater. It appeared to connect to the wireless. Devices connected to it. The devices didn't connect through it to the internet. I did what most people would do in those circumstances... I pissed about with it for about 5 minutes and gave up and switched it off and didn't have internet access in the extension.

Then other things started displaying similar symptoms. Things would appear to connect to the wireless, but they wouldn't get the internet connection. Or, most frustratingly, they would see the wireless but couldn't connect to it. Despite all the passkeys being right and the router appearing to be doling out internet. A reboot of the router would solve the issue and I didn't make a big deal of it.

Then it started happening more and more. Then all the time. Then a reboot wouldn't solve it. Then I couldn't connect to it via an ethernet cable. Then it wouldn't even pretend it was connecting to the internet, or even trying.

This was serious now. I hadn't just lost the internet in a room, I'd lost it in my entire house. I've had good fortune with internet connections. It's never really been down. I have a stonking fast connection at work. I'm used to it just being there. I'm very first world. Turn on a tap, water comes out. Turn on a switch, a light turns on. Turn on a network enabled device, there is internet on it. Only now there wasn't. Except if I used 3G. So it wasn't like I was in the dark ages... more the late 19th Century.

I work in IT. I know how to do this shit. I did ALL the tests. Different cables/micro filters/configs/etc. I knew pretty much from the off that it had to be the router though. The wireless strangeness, for one. The LED lights that LIED, for another. And lies make The Baby Jesus cry. It was obviously an evil router and it needed CASTING TO THE FLAMES.... or well, you know, replacing with a new one.

I put on my best patient head and RANG SKY CUSTOMER SERVICES!

I started from the stand point of being an IT professional and listed all the things I had tried and said I was pretty sure it was my router. The girl on the other end of the phone still asked me to try a couple of things. I did them (again), as I too support people and sometimes you have to humour the person who is helping you, just in case you've made a stupid mistake. After 20 minutes she confirmed that it was a technical issue that needed escalating. I asked to be escalated. She said someone would be in touch within 72 hours. Sigh.

Two days later I got a text from Sky telling me to ring them when I was at home. I was at work. And had plans that night. I left it and went to the pub. The next day I got a more pushy text telling me to ring them when I was at home. That's a first for me. Customer services hassling me to get in touch to help fix an issue.

I got home from work and rang the number given. I got a very condescending bloke who interrupted me telling him my thoughts on the problem to tell me he would be the judge of the issue and started ordering me to try plugging various things in. Fortunately I was on the landline and around then accidentally pulled on the wrong wire and disconnected the phone. Whoops! I had to ring back and got a much more people-savy woman. I explained what I had done and I said it was the router and could they send a new one. She said she understood, but still needed to take some steps to test the line and things. Again, I jumped through a few hoops to satisfy the person trying to help me. I did point out that all the line tests in the world wouldn't fix the dodge wireless on the router. She agreed, but said she was technical help for the connection and would like to make sure that wasn't also at fault. Made sense. She helpfully rang me back on my mobile so I could unplug things and not have to worry about plugging/unplugging phones, or having landline phones interfering with things.

After an hour; 3 phone calls; me finding out that only 1 of the 3 phone sockets in my house is actually connected to anything resembling a phone line; she finally came to a conclusion... 

"I think your router is broke........... that was the first thing you said to me wasn't it?"

It was.

She then said it would be £35, plus £2 postage, for a new one. I swore. I said if she couldn't provide the equipment for a service I was paying them for I would find someone else. I'm sure Virgin would give me what I needed. I then remembered I'd just signed up for a year contract for SkyHD. Bollocks! So I could only take my broadband and phone. It was Friday and I had been on the phone on and off for an hour. I don't like being on the phone. I'd had enough. £37 didn't seem an insurmountable sum to end this call and have some tea and a beer. But then something else occurred to me...

"What if it turns out I'm wrong and it's not the router. I'll have spent £37 on something that didn't solve the issue?"

She said in that case they would refund the money and I could return the router. I think she sensed my will weakening, as she then offered to wave the £2 postage too.

I caved and got my wallet out.

I quite liked the fact that I didn't need to read all the numbers from my card out loud. I just needed to enter them on my phone keypad and it went into their system. First time I've done that.

Today a router arrived. Well actually, they tried to deliver it while I was at work and Sharon (bless her) went to pick it up from the Post Office depot after work. I got home and plugged it all in. Within minutes we had working broadband again. And bonus, the new router is an N, so has a greater range and reaches the Wii in the extension.

Told you it was the router.