Genetic Hybrids

I recently put a tweet on The Twitter. It went like this: 

I was pretty sure no one would reply. Or if they did it would be impossible subjects to blog about. I wasn't wrong. I received a few replies (*shocked face*), but they were all of the ilk that they would be impossible to blog about. I mean, look at this one from @randomshenans.

That is never going to be possible to write a blog about. I told him as much. I then pointed out the only things you COULD say about that nonsense. He said:

Oh, I guess we were. It wasn't much. BELIEVE ME, it wasn't much, but it was a start. So here it is. A blog about the quite RIDICULOUS subject of "What would happen if you mated a horse fly with a llama?" I took the liberty of adding the question mark. It is, after all, a question. I removed the "Discuss" because that's what I'm doing.

So then, what WOULD happen if you mated a horse fly with a llama? Firstly, we have to research our subjects. 

Horse Fly

Wikipedia says, of the Horse Fly:

'Horse-fly is the most widely-used English common name for members of the family Tabanidae. Apart from the common name "horse-flies", broad categories of biting, bloodsucking Tabanidae are variously known as breeze flies,^[2] clegs or clags,deer flies, gadflies, or zimbs. In some areas of Canada, they also are known as Bull Dog Flies. In Australia some species are known as "March flies", a name that in other English-speaking countries refers to a very different Dipteran family, the non-bloodsucking Bibionidae.'

Well then; that means cock all to me! And I really can't be arsed clicking on all those words to see what they all mean. What we do need to know is how big they are and how they mate.

From my extensive (2 minutes on Google) research, it appears that the male and female Horse Fly GET IT ON, then the female lays a whole fuck load of eggs; which then hatch in to larvae. Larvae which, fucking get this, are capable of eating FROGS AND FISH!!! WTF?! They then grow into flies and the whole disgusting process starts again. Speaking of growing; they can reach up to an inch in size. That's pretty big for a fly. Probably not so much for a llama, but we will come to that when we do LLAMA SCIENCE!

Turns out they don't sting you either, like I thought they did. I thought they were like a bee or a wasp. They BITE YOUR ASS, like a mosquito or something. Like mosquitoes, they can carry and spread diseases with their bite.

Llama

Llamas are a mammal (FUCK, this doesn't sound promising), that do the whole shag then pregnancy (for ELEVEN AND A HALF MONTHS) thing. They do not gestate outside their body then. This is already sounding vastly incompatible. 

They grow up to 6ft tall and can weigh about 450lbs. That's quite a bit bigger than an inch.

I have found no mention of laying eggs or larvae in my 17 SECONDS on the Wikipedia page for Llamas.

Conclusion

What would happen if you mated a horse fly with a llama? The most probable answer is that the llama would sit on the horse fly and crush it to death. It would probably get bitten on the arse by the horse fly in the process. Horse Flies can carry a disease called Surra. This disease can be FATAL to llamas. So the llama would drop down dead too. You would have two dead subjects!

What would never happen, in a BILLION FUCKING YEARS, is that they would successfully mate and produce a llama/horse fly hybrid. No GIANT, FLYING LLAMA WITH SIX LEGS! I mean, COME ON, FOR FUCK'S SAKE! It's an insect and a mammal! You wouldn't even be able to mate a llama with a horse, let alone a fucking horse fly! And no, you wouldn't be able to mate a horse fly with a horse either, DESPITE the name!

I am quite willing to hand over my research to Walter Bishop to see if he can make any further progress, but I'm guessing he would be flogging a dead... errrr.... llama.