We All Stand Together... (Reprise)

Let's get this out of the way. I LOVE The Beatles. Ask anyone who knows me what my "thing" is and once they've made a hilarious knob gag they will tell you my thing is The Beatles.  I love listening to them, I love reading about them, I love loving them.  People randomly walk over to me just to tell me something they heard about The Beatles or they were somewhere and a Beatles song started playing because "it made me think of you". I love being thought about because of something I love.

Now to the post. People like to say what the first album/single/CD/record/tape/cylinder/8-track/whatever, but simply put, MUSIC they ever owned is.  It's a badge of honour or embarrassment. Mine would be in the latter category to some people. Mine is Paul McCartney and The Frog Chorus - We All Stand Together.  When I was about 5 my Dad bought me the picture disk shaped like Paul McCartney with his arm around Rupert The Bear (it was like the one you can see in the picture above). You may or may not know that Rupert The Bear was in the video and that's where the connection comes from. McCartney had just bought the copyright to Rupert The Bear and wanted to do a kids song with him in it. As a Beatles maniac the fact that my first ever record is a Paul McCartney one is really rather special for me.  So special that I treasured that picture disk.  My Dad kept it in the sleeve of his Paul McCartney - All The Best album and I used to ask to just look at it.  As I got a little older we moved house a couple of times.  My Dad stopped listening to his records as much and they went up into the attic.  I always knew that my picture disk was there though and I was happy with that.  Then in my teens I decided to dig it out. I. Looked. Everywhere. I couldn't find Paul McCartney - All The Best anywhere. More importantly I couldn't find my picture disk. I was quite upset as you can imagine.  The other McCartney/Beatles records were there. Genesis was there. Paul Young was there. Where were All The Best and my picture disk?!  We never found out. All we can think is that my Dad leant All The Best to someone and along the way never got it back. Then forgot who it was. I was distraught. My Dad felt guilty. Not as guilty as when he threw a snowball at 6 year old me and I used a sledge for a shield. The snowball was hard. I was soft. The sledge hit me in the face and broke my first adult tooth. My front tooth. I have the cap as a permanent souvenir now. I wasn't particularly arsed, still not, accidents happen, but my Dad was. Every time I crooked smiled until I had it properly capped at 17.  Like I said, I wasn't arsed about that, what I was arsed about was my picture disk.  Especially at 17. My tooth was capped and so fixed. My Beatles obsession was well underway from being the music my Dad liked when I was young into becoming my "thing". I mentioned the picture disk again. We looked again. No joy again.  My Dad went in the attic and came back with all his Beatles records. Including an original White Album. He handed them to me and said they were now mine.  He also scoured a few car boot sales and bought me some McCartney/Lennon/Harrison/Beatles 7" singles. He could see how much this meant to me. Years passed. I wheeled this story out now and again. Losing my first ever record and how I obtained my Beatles vinyl. I thought it was the end of the story.

I was wrong.

A few weeks ago my boss was again telling me how he really can't stand Paul McCartney. How his voice just grates him. Our tastes are all different. It keeps us interesting. It's why a silly picture disk means so much to me and cock all to you.  McCartney's voice grating is not my opinion, but I can imagine how that must be the case for some people.   It's probably the same way I feel when Celine Dion is on.  That need to make it stop. Either by destroying the source of the warbling horror or by jabbing sharp objects in my ears.  Anyway, my boss was saying how he was doing some thing on Facebook and he needed his least favourite song and he couldn't choose between Mull Of Kintyre (ironically, one of the 7" singles my Dad bought me from a car boot sale) or The Frogs Chorus (which is what most people seem to call We All Stand Together).  I told him the story I have so far recited and then went about my day.  But it was back in my head again.  And we have resources now that we didn't have when I was 17. We have an easily accessible internet. We have ebay. I went on ebay and did a search for "We All Stand Together picture disk". I got a result. I clicked on it. It was the exactly the same. It was up to £15. For a vinyl single. That seemed steep. I bidded £20!  Money was tight at the time. We were buying a house and paying for a wedding (still are), so I sent Sharon a grovelling email.  I then set about the next few days waiting. We went to a friend's house where it was mentioned that his missus bought a lamp for £300. For a lamp?!  This wasn't a lamp that was a toaster and a hi-fi. It was a very nice lamp, but it was just a lamp. A fancy holder for a light bulb and a switch. I defended her saying that things are worth what they are worth to us, not purely the monetary value. For example I had just bid £20 on a mid 80's single that I had no intention of listening to. "WHAT?!" Sharon. "Errrr. I sent you a grovelling email?"

"I haven't checked my email." So I then had to explain, in front of my friend and his missus, to my missus what I had done. She has heard the story and was cool with it. She knows what it meant to me.

5 days passed and, not wanting to disappoint or keep you in suspense too long, I will jump to the chase. I won the bid and my record was delivered to me a couple of days later. It was a joyful reunion. I bought a frame for it and put it up on the wall next to my computer. It is in fact the actual one in the picture above. Something I loved and lost has (in a way) been returned to me. It is looking over me as I write this and I will treasure it.

NOW the story is at the end and it's a happy one.

A Quick Note...

I am busy, so this is going to be a very short blog.

See.

SKYNET Is Going To End Us All!

SKY have pissed me off this week. I am really happy with the TV package I have with them. I am happy with the broadband they provide. I am also happy with the Talk package they provide for my phone.  What I am not happy with is having to deal with their Customer Services.

We have been getting annoying phone calls for the past few months. Nothing malicious, just a man or a woman of a foreign persuasion who ring up repeatedly, at all hours, and don't understand us when we say, "YOU HAVE GOT THE WRONG NUMBER AGAIN!!! IT'S 2AM!!! PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF THE BABY JESUS, STOP CALLING US!"  As it's an overseas number BT can't block it. I asked BT to change my number. They said, "Sure, £25"!  I told them to stick it.  I asked Sky if I could transfer my line rental to them and then change my number through them. They said I could.  Every time I rang Sky to see how this was progressing they had never heard of this order and I had to start all over again.  In the end I told them that I was trying to move my line rental to them as BT were a "useless shower of bastards", but as they were proving to be "an even more useless shower of bastards" they should forget it.  Fortunately @BTCare had gotten in touch with me on Twitter and offered to do the number change for free. They did and they were brilliant.  I would recommend going through them for all your telecommunication needs.

So my number change was done.  Next I had to contact Sky again (sigh) and get them to transfer my Sky Talk package across to the new number.  The telephone call went something like this.  It is not an exact transcript. It is my memory of the conversation.

*Automated Skynet system asks me to press buttons for the option I want. None are precisely what I want so I randomly press buttons until I get to a point where it stops asking me to press buttons*

Skynet: Please say your postcode now

Craig: *Says postcode*

Skynet: *pauses* I'm sorry. I didn't catch that. Please say your postcode now

Craig: *Says postcode very deliberately*

Skynet: *pauses* I'm sorry. I didn't catch that. Please say your postcode now

Craig: Your. Voice. Recognition. Software. Is. Shit.

Skynet: *pauses* I'm sorry. I didn't catch that. Transferring you to an operator now.

Craig: Finally!

Irene: Hello. You're through to Sky Customer Services. My name is Irene. How can I help you?

Craig: Hello. I have recently changed my telephone number and I would like you to update my Sky Talk package to my new number.  I haven't moved house. I just have a new telephone number

Irene:  Wait, *struggles with concept*, You have a NEW telephone number?  Why would you want a new telephone number?

Craig: Errrr. We were getting some nuisance phone calls. It's not important. I have a new number and I would like you to change your records.

Irene: Ok. I can't see a record of a number change on my system?

Craig: I. Know. I am telling you now. My line rental is with BT. My calls are with you.

Irene: Oh ok. You know you can have your line rental through us?

Craig: Yeah. I had heard. But as I've spent months repeatedly placing the order and you forget about it a week later I am staying with BT.

Irene: I have no record of you ever placing an order with us for that.

Craig: See.

Irene: I could create an order for it now.

Craig: No thank you. Can you just proceed with updating the Sky Talk number.

Irene: OK. I see on my system that you have a free Sky HD box available. It's a self install box. We usually charge £199 for the box and £60 for the installation. But if you install the box yourself it is free. Would you like it?

Craig: *thinks about the fact that he doesn't have SkyHD, but the hard drive is twice the size* If it's free then yes please. 

Irene: You will only have to pay for the £15 delivery charge. Is that ok?

Craig: I think I can stretch to that yes.

Irene: That's great. I just need to read out some standard terms and conditions.... *blah blah*.... 1 years subscription... *blah blah*.... cancellation within term.... *blah blah*.....HD channels.... *blah blah*.... is that OK?

Craig: Can I just confirm? I am not signing up to an increased subscription. I just want my free box.

Irene: Oh, you would have to pay the £10.25 a month for the HD.

Craig: You never said that?

Irene: I did! In the terms and conditions.

Craig: Hmmmmm. That wasn't very clear. Let me be clear. I don't want to increase my subscription. Let's cancel that "free" box now.

Irene: Ok. I have cancelled that. I will transfer you to Sky Talk who will sort out your number change.

Craig: Thank you. You sneaky fucker!

Sky Talk: Errrr.... hello?

Craig: Hello

Sky Talk: I believe you want to talk to me?

Craig: *sighs at having to start again*

From that point on it was fairly standard and he said that the change would take between 24 - 72 hours and PROMISED that my broadband would not go off. 

Let's see what happens.

The Ballad of the Xbox

I am going to write about Xboxes here. Well, not all Xboxes. One Xbox. My Xbox. My new Xbox.  It's an Xbox 360 actually. Before I begin, here is a disclaimer:

I am not a massively up to the minute experienced gamer. This is not a typical "review" of any console or game.  I have played precisely 2 games on the Xbox 360, so I have no points of reference to compare anything to. I have only just lost my Xbox virginity.  I'm new to this and still fumble about, press the wrong buttons and the games end rather quicker than they would for a more experienced gamer.  I am a bit shit at Xboxing.  This is just a normal bloke talking about buying an Xbox.  This is not a super slick gamers review. If you want one of those, go to one of those proper review websites. Also, if you don't agree with what I say, or I am wrong about any points, don't tell me, I don't really give a shit. This is simply my opinion on something in my life.

I have been after an Xbox 360 for AGES! About 6 months. I have a Wii and was very happy with it. I'd occasionally see adverts for the PS3 and Xbox and would think, "Oooooo. Those graphics look amazing", but that was about it. Then Microsoft did something that they don't normally do. They created the future, but now. That seems to be an Apple/Nintendo/Sonyism of late. But no, Microsoft created the Kinect.  The thing that made the Wii so revolutionary had finally just been bettered.  I became interested in procuring my own Xbox. 

As I was going through the process of planing a wedding AND buying a house, money for Xboxes wasn't presenting itself at every turn. This meant I had to be patient and very nice (and very persistent) with Sharon.  I will spare you the details, but anyone who knows me knows I have mentioned Xboxes about as much as I have mentioned Beatles and tried to get a reply from Kylie Minogue on Twitter in the past few months.  That's a lot.  Finally, last Sunday at 5:10pm, Sharon agreed I could buy myself an Xbox with Kinect.  I mention the time only because Currys closed at 5pm and it meant I had to wait a FULL DAY!  

I used my time wisely and spent Sunday night and some of Monday researching precisely what to buy Xbox/game/cable wise.  I have a TV with HDMI inputs and a 5.1 surround sound system with optical audio input. It meant the standard Xbox cabling would be surplus to requirements and I would need to buy additional cables. I won't bore you with the details on that, I will say simply this. WHY, when TVs have HDMI and optical audio inputs and a lot of people have sound systems with optical audio inputs and when the games systems we buy are capable of outputting in these formats for the optimum experience, WHY (again), DON'T THEY FUCKING PROVIDE THE CABLES TO CONNECT THE TWO IN THOSE FORMATS?! Why do they provide cables that will give a lower quality interface?  Why not provide both? I paid a shit load of cash for my systems. Give me the fucking cabling to communicate between them. They are all standard connections. Imagine you got a TV without a plug. You would be furious. This is the same. You buy a system and get it home and can't fucking play on it properly!  AND... WHY DO YOU ONLY GET ONE CONTROLLER WITH CONSOLES THESE DAYS?!  TWO!  TWO USED TO BE STANDARD AND STILL SHOULD BE! This is not a rant at Microsoft and the Xbox, it is a rant at ALL AV/console manufacturers/suppliers. Fucking sort it out you bastards!  If anyone tells me it's to keep the cost of the consoles down. FUCK OFF!  It costs the actual manufacturers cock all to make cables and controllers in the grand scheme of things. It's about generating more revenue. Pure and simple.

Anyway, I was researching what I needed. I obviously sorted the cables out and I asked on Facebook and Twitter for ideas for games. I already had a game in mind, but I wanted to see what the hive mind came up with. A lot of people confirmed my thoughts enough for me to decide upon getting Call Of Duty: Black Ops. Other games are available and some people prefer others. I liked the look of this one and had never played any COD games before, so the complaints it played a lot like some earlier versions was wasted on me. It was all new to me. I also had played GTA III on my PS2 many years ago, so I was drawn to GTA: IV and someone recommended it. It was also only £18 for the complete edition. Purchases made.

On Monday I nipped out to get the cables I would need in my dinner at work. The Xbox purchase would have to wait until the evening. I got home and Sharon and I had tea. I then put on my shoes and said I was off to collect my Xbox and asked if Sharon wanted anything.  She said, "Yes....... a present" and then fixed me with a look that said, "I may be letting you buy an Xbox, but I can still stop you playing on it".  I nodded in agreement and then got in my car. FUCK! What was I going to buy her?  This needed gauging just right.  If I spent not much I was going to get, "Is that it? You get an Xbox and I get this?!" Fail.  But if I spent too much I would get, "What are you doing spending all that money when you've just spent a fortune on an Xbox?!" Fail.  I decided my fall back would be some flowers and chocolate. There is a reason they are standard presents for birds. They work.  The thought of buying her a game that I thought she may like for the Xbox crossed my mind for a nano-second. But that way, danger lay.  I went into Tesco (to buy a 2nd controller for my Xbox... GRRRRR) and saw the CDs next to the games.  Nicole Scherzyface from the Pussycat Dolls has an album out. Sharon likes her. I took a chance and bought it.  Next stop Currys for the Xbox.

I completed the trasaction. I now owned an Xbox!

I got home and showed Sharon every Xbox component saying that she could touch it and that was her present.  Once I had pushed her as far as was reasonable, I produced the CD.  She smiled and said thank you.  It was a success!  She said she had been expecting me to buy her a game I thought she would like and that would have been a mistake (phew), but she would have been happy with a bar of chocolate. I went above and beyond. This was good news. Brownie points are alway useful when starting out on a blokey endeavour.

I spent the next hour pissing about with cables and Xbox components. I am technically minded, I just wanted to get it all set up right.  And there were some optical audio issues to do with having 2 devices that output in this format and 1 input on my amp (That was solved today with a switch. Simple really).  I finally got it set up and Sharon announced we were going doing the ASDA big shop.  So off we went.  When we got back, one thing or another happened and I never got to have a go on my Xbox.  :(

Tuesday. 2 days after I was given the all clear on Xboxing.  I went to work and did the work thing. Then I got home and had some tea. Sharon had gone to netball. It. Was. Time. I decided that a game on Call Of Duty: Black Ops was in order.  I powered up the Xbox and went through the setup.  Part of the setup was setting up the Kinect. Oh. My. Fucking. God. This thing IS the future. I felt like Tom Cruise in Minority Report. Only slightly uglier and a bit taller.  Moving shit around the screen with gestures. Talking to the Xbox to tell it to go to different screens.  That made me feel like I was on the Enterprise. Only instead of preceding a command with "Computer", I had to say, "Xbox". It can even be set to recognise my face and save me having to manually sign in who I am. And it all fucking works!!!! It's brilliant. I was that impressed I spent 20 minutes just navigating the menus before I even considered putting a game in my games console.  As I was so amazed by the Kinect all thoughts of COD went out of the window and I put in Kinect Adventures. What followed was 3 hours of joyful jumping about and flapping of arms, such I haven't experienced since I was a wee child.  When Sharon got home she too played with unbridled delight. The Kinect, and so the Xbox, was a success.

Wednesday night, it was time to get serious.  Sharon had some work to do.  A work presentation of some sort. I was going to get involved in some Black Ops, Call Of Duty style.  I powered up the Xbox and put the game in. Then I was lost in a world of guns and duty.  It. Was. Awesome. And also... I. Was. Rubbish. I didn't care though. And I definitely improved over the course of the next 3 hours.  The surround sound really added to the experience and I was away.  Shouting to my guys. Looking around for enemies. I was there.  It was briefly interrupted by Sharon TURNING THE VOLUME DOWN!!!?!?!! Something about not being able to concentrate on her work. I don't really remember. I just remember shouting that I couldn't hear my commanders instructions properly now and turning it back up.  I'm sure she was looking at me with pride and increased love at my commitment to my duty and my unit.  I'll never know as I was busy trying not to get shot in the face. I finally understand what all the hype with Call Of Duty is. 

And now, after I have waffled on for many paragraphs, I have to go. There are enemies of democracy to eliminate.

Growing up is great.... but it SUCKS!

I am 31 years young.  What a stupid phrase.  Someone in a call centre for car insurance recently referred to me as "31 years young".  I didn't go with my car insurance with them.  Partly because of that and partly because they suddenly whacked the price up by A LOT when I said I wanted to pay monthly.  I know it normally goes up, but not by that amount.  So, I am 31 years OLD.  And it's great.  I love being 31.  I am the happiest I have ever been.  Sure, I have to do things like ring car insurance call centres, but only because I have a nice shiny black car that zooms along the highways and byways.  I couldn't have done that as a child.  I have a house, or I will do in a couple of weeks when this sale goes through.  It's mine.  Yeah, so the act of buying a house isn't great, lots to organise, but it means you own a house at the end.  I am also in love with someone I plan to spend the rest of my life with.  As a younger man I had no luck with the ladies.  Now I have luck, mostly, with one lady and we are getting married.  Again, lots to organise, but it means I have a best friend for life and that's pretty damn cool.  All these things cost me money.  So I have a job.  I work in IT support for a rather successful engineering consultancy firm.  That sounds very grown up doesn't it?  I have to go to a building for at least 40 hours every week and do things for other people, but in return they give me rather a decent amount of money.  And I quite like working in IT for the most part.  So because of all the money they give me, it means I can afford to do the things mentioned above.  I can also do other things with my money.  I can drink beer in pubs.  This is one of my most favourite things about being grown up.  Being able to shave or more importantly not shave is pretty cool too.

So basically, growing up is complicated.  You have lots to organise and arrange and pay for and you have to work to pay for those things.  But you get to own and do cool shit like drive and drink and touch boobies and grow a beard and live in a house that you may not be the boss of, but you have equal say in.  I love being a grown up.  Mainly I love it because you learn that part of growing up is that you don't have to grow up at all.  Sure I have to do all those things I listed above, but ask me for a list of things that I would like to buy myself and it would probably be very similar to someone half my age or less.  Here goes:

• An Xbox 360 with kinect
• An iPad
• An iPhone 4
• A big kick ass 50" TV
• Lots of Lego

That list probably, in essence, (sure the TVs have got bigger and thinner and the consoles more sophisticated) hasn't changed much as long as I can remember.  The problem with growing up is you finally get all the money to buy those things (I have the most money that I have ever had in my life by a long way) but you have to spend it on maintaining the bigger things I have already listed. Cars, insurance, petrol, mortgages,  houses, weddings, bills, etc.  So, as when you were a child, there are all these shiny gadgets and plastic building blocks you want and then there is a bloke with facial hair telling you that, although there is money coming in, there isn't any money to buy them because it needs to be spent on the cost of living.  Only difference is now that bloke isn't your dad, it is yourself.

But, as when you were a child, every now and again some money does make it through and you get to buy yourself something nice and shiny (bike, surround sound home cinema system, computer) and on that day you feel like a child again and it is glorious.  Only difference is you appreciate it even more now as you understand where the money came from.

I Don't Like Christmas...

I have a confession to make.  I have an opinion on something.  It's not a popular opinion.  It is mostly against the flow of most people's opinion on the subject.

I really don't like dinner parties.  I only EVER go to them for Sharon.

There, I said it.  I'm sorry if that offends, but it's how I feel.  Let me clear this up straight away , it's not that I don't like my friends or family or seeing them.  Or that I don't like their food. Far from it.  I LOVE my friends and family, and the time I spend with them is some of my favourite time spent.  They are also all good cooks. But why do I have to eat with them?  What's wrong with having your tea at home and then meeting for a couple of drinks in the pub?  Why do I have to go round to your house and eat there and then sit in your living room, watching your TV, or listening to your music, or making conversation, or whatever else people do to at these events?  It's not that I don't like your house or you, but I like my house more.  That's why I live there and not with you.  So we have two issues I have with dinner parties.

Firstly, eating at your house.

If I eat at my house or in a restaurant with Sharon and I am not that hungry and I leave some of it, then it's my choice and it's fine.  If I eat at your house and I don't really eat much you start asking what is wrong with me or, more worryingly, what is wrong with your food.  This puts pressure on me to eat everything put in front of me.  Me, pressure and eating do not go well together.  If you give me pressure and food, I don't really feel like eating the said food.  So, a dinner party at your house almost instantly means I am not hungry.  That is not a good start.  So I spend the meal making polite conversation and pushing my food around my plate (even if it is the best meal EVER) and try and make it look like I've eaten more that I actually have.  All the while I am nervously drinking the wine/beer you have graciously provided.  Result, I am pissed and my stomach feels poorly sick.  Or, quite often when I have eaten I like to just chill out and say or do nothing for a while afterwards and let my food digest.  Making conversation and effort isn't considered chilling out for me. So either way this is not a good night out for me as I then have to spend the rest of the evening (because you have to hang around for hours after eating and make yet more polite conversation.... why?) feeling pretty crappy stomach wise.

Secondly, being at your house.

You have a lovely house.  I like what you've done with the living room, etc. But it's your house.  Your house is just like my house only I'm not quite as comfortable.  Whereas my house, is my house.  I am comfortable there.  I could live there.  So I am somewhere that I am less comfortable than I am at home.  Basic maths shows you I will enjoy this less than being at home.  Again.  It's not your company.  I love being out and about with you and seeing you.  I just don't like being in other people's houses much.

What is wrong with everyone having tea at their own house and then meeting in the pub for a couple of pints?  If I'm leaving my house, why not go somewhere different from my house? We could go to a restaurant?  Actually, no.  I sometimes just like to go home after eating in a restaurant.  So, although it is preferable to a dinner party, I still may feel trapped there afterwards.  Unless it's just me and Sharon.  She has somehow broke through all my strange neuroses about this and my desire to be left alone for large amounts of the time and I LOVE eating out with her and generally being around her.  Whenever I say I would rather be home alone or eat alone or whatever alone. I mean, just me and her. I should marry that one.  So, for my comfort we could all eat at home and meet up for a drink, or me and Sharon could eat out and you meet us later. Maybe, if I'm in the mood.  Sometimes I may just like to go home. Sorted.  Errr, ok, probably not.

There are a couple of other people who have broken through my strangeness on this issue.  My Dad.  Every Saturday dinner I have bacon and eggs with him at his house and I enjoy it greatly.  Also my Mum and Nan.  Every Thursday I have tea at my Nan's with my Mum.  I also enjoy that.  I put this down to 2 reasons.  Firstly routine.  I have said it is about my comfort zone and there is nothing like a routine to give me a comfort zone.  Secondly, I can leave whenever I want.  Straight after eating if I want.  Not hanging around someone elses house making polite conversation all night.  I can go home.  Bliss.

So, you would think from all this that I would insist on dinner parties being at my house.  It's my food, usually cooked by me and I can eat what I want of it.  It's also my house and my comfort zone.  Nope.  I'm not a big fan of people coming round to my house either.  In general.  I have to make conversation and make an effort and find it difficult to relax.  If it's just me and Sharon and I'm not in the mood then I can sit not saying much all night and it's fine.  Can't do that with guests.  It's bad enough with planned ones, but the unplanned ones.... JESUS... GO AWAY!!!!  It can be my most favourite person in the world, but if they didn't tell me they were coming, then in that few seconds between them ringing the bell and me answering the door, my brain starts calculating if they can actually tell I am in or how much trouble I would get in for simply ignoring them because I am obviously in.  I am too nice and polite for either of those unfortunately and so answer the door and make polite conversation while hoping Sharon will do most of the entertaining and wondering how long is too long to take making them a cup of tea.  Is an hour too long?  Would it be wrong to finally show up with a brew for them as they are putting on their coat to leave.  I understand your dilema though.  If you ring and ask if you can come round, I will almost certainly say no, so you have to arrive unannouced.  My top tip would be to ring Sharon.  She gets her friends and family in the door all the time.  Anyone coming through me will struggle.

So yeah, the blog title.  That was just me trying to get your attention. I do, of course, LOVE Christmas.  I love giving and receiving presents.  I love seeing my friends and family.  I love the talking and the laughing and the eating and the drinking.  BUT, I have to go and eat meals at people's houses. And go and spend vast amounts of time at people's houses making polite conversation and pretending I find the Emmerdale Christmas special entertaining, when I really would just like to be on my couch, eating my food, drinking my beer, watching my Star Trek, on my TV.  Or the other thing that might happen is, because everyone is at home and bored for a week, they might decide to call round and see us unannouced.  NIGHTMARE!

I have issues.

Now, I realise  I may appear selfish here.  But we are all selfish in our own way.  I can't help feeling like this.  I just do.  It doesn't mean I don't enjoy your food or your company.  And because you are my friends and family and I love you and want to see you I will do all these things and will enjoy bits of it, sometimes all of it.  It's more about that I can sometimes, without warning, really not be in the mood. I may get into things later on.  I almost always don't want to go out anymore just before it's time to go out, but I push on through because I usually get into it.  That happens much much less with dinner parties or going to people's houses.  More importantly Sharon will enjoy all of it, all the time, and so I do it for her.  So please don't take offence and shun us because of me, because she loves coming to see you all and have you come to see us.  

I will be in the kicthen making you a brew.

Or, let's all eat at home and meet for a couple of pints in the pub afterwards.

Social Networking

As the title suggests, this is a blog about social networking.  Or at least, the small pocket of social networking that I take part in.  I engage in three aspects of social networking and they are as follows:

Blogging

This thing you are reading right now.  Unless you have already got bored and have stopped reading before this point, in which case you won't be reading my blog right now.  But that means you wouldn't have seen my statement that you were reading it right now.  The word we are all desperately searching for here is, anyway.  I very occasionally write random musings on this blog.  And occasionally one or two people seem to read it.  I don't necessarily write it to be read, it's just kind of nice to get my thoughts down in script sometimes. But it is nice that SOMEONE reads it. Otherwise it would be almost a fruitless exercise for me to keep it not very personal, if not fruitless to write it at all.  What is social networking without the social or indeed the networking? So when someone says they read it and enjoyed it or even requests I write another one (thanks Bev) I won't lie and say it doesn't please me.  I enjoy writing and this is a good place to write things.  The problem I have is what to write about?  I mean, I am currently writing a blog about writing a blog. Probably not for the first time.  I guess that is probably barrel scraping in blog land.  So, sometimes something will come to me, or something will happen (the fence saga), or I will get involved in something (running), or I will simply force it because I want to write and then I write a blog. It doesn't seem to be really acquiring any followers, but it serves me for what I want from it and that is somewhere to get my thoughts down in more than a 140 or 420 characters.

Facebooking

This is undoubtedly my biggest and most successful venture into the world of social networking. For about the past 3-4 years every chance I've had to get on a computer (which is a lot) I have been going on there updating my status and commenting on other people's.  And since I got my iPhone it is nearly always accessible to me.  I use Facebook for a few reasons.  Firstly to keep in touch with people I know/have known in the real world, but almost never, if ever, see.  It is nice to have rekindled some friendships, in an online fashion, and enhanced some friendships of people I rarely see, on there.  Secondly I use it to post photos and very occasionally videos of my life so people can see them.  Thirdly I use it to try and be funny.  I quite often think I could be taken as being rather annoying on there, and I'm sure to some people I am, but it is surprising to me how many people say to me when they see me in the real world how much they like the things I write on Facebook.  I'm sure part of it is the sheer volume of stuff I write, some of it is bound to appeal to someone, if only by the law of averages.  Having said that, it gives me great pleasure to write on there and I very much write things on there to be read and responded to.  I like getting into exchanges on there and I almost always go for the gag if I can.  Some people use it to be really quite serious, and I have the occasional rant myself, but Facebook for me and how I choose to use it mostly isn't like that.  That doesn't mean they are wrong and I am right. By no means. The serious posting people may find my constant irreverence annoying, and that is their choice.  It is also their choice to unfriend me if they don't like what I write and a number of people have.  I am completely fine with that.  I do it to people too sometimes.  If someone is filling my feed with stuff I don't find interesting, if it's a game I hide that (I'll come back to that), if it's their general status entries, they go.  So if you are still my friend on Facebook and you post on there you can be certain I read most of what you write and am almost always entertained by it one way or another.  Knowing the little things about people's lives is interesting in the extreme.  How would I possibly know that someone I haven't seen in years has just been to see her son in the school nativity play and he was a dancing shepherd without Facebook (a post today by someone)? Brilliant!  That to me is where the social side of it comes in.  And I completely use Facebook to be social.  Not the networking though. I don't use Facebook to make new friends with people I've never met.  It just doesn't lend itself to that for me.  It's just too open and personal for that.  Then there are the games.  Annoying fucking things that fill my feed.  Farmville... FUCK OFF! Again, if that is what people wish to take from Facebook then who am I to argue?  And now I can hide the games posts it doesn't interfere in my Facebooking or bother me in the slightest what games my friends engage in on there.  In the past I would have ditched someone for playing too many games and clogging my feed.  And then there are the people who post lots and lots of youtube videos of the the songs they think people should be listening to.....ARRGGGHHH!!!  STOP FILLING MY FEED!  One or two songs are fine.  I do that sometimes.  It's nice to share.  That is why we are on Facebook.  But 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 songs?  10 FUCKING SONGS!?  You've just completely filled my feed and I can't hide that without hiding you!  I may as well unfriend you and if you continue to do it, I will do just that. I seem to have taken a turn towards ranting.  Let me reel it back in and return to my point.  Facebook has many uses for many types of people.  Sharon uses Facebook mainly for inbox conversations, predominantly about netball I think and also for playing Bejewelled Blitz (which she is astonishingly good at).  She does not use it at all like I do, but she still gets something rewarding from it.  I like Facebook for this.  It is versatile and different people can all get what they want from it, whilst still being social with each other and living in harmony on there.  

Tweeting

My latest venture over the past year.  And what a year it has been.  Celebrities, new friends, spending sometimes frustratingly long amounts of time shortening things I want to say to 140 characters or less.  A whirlwind of a year.  Ok, I'm making it sound bigger and more exciting than it actually was.  It's not like I'm @theashes (a girl in America who happens to have chosen that name and got propelled into Twitter stardom recently during the cricket. She now has 14000 followers simply because she got angry at getting cricket tweets, but eventually took it as a bit of fun and was offered free flights to Australia to watch the ashes unfold with her very eyes).  But I have learned a lot about Twitter and what I want to take from it.  Again I go on there pretty much every chance I get. On a computer or on my iPhone. The first lesson to learn is, it is NOT Facebook.  Nor does it try to be (although people may claim Facebook is moulding itself more to be like Twitter in some of it's recent incarnations. But this isn't a blog about that). The second lesson is, you can't read everything that everyone writes and you will miss stuff.  A lot of stuff.  Lists quickly became handy, I have one with the few people on there I know in real life.  I don't want to miss their stuff as much as I can help.  When I first signed up I did what everyone else did, I followed @stephenfry and then set about following every celebrity whose work I liked.  And this was fine for a while, and when I occasionally got a reply from a celeb I was incredibly happy.  @simonpegg being about the biggest.  But I was missing the point (or the point I have found for myself on Twitter).  The point is the real people on there . Although I must confess to being rather chuffed to recently being followed by the lead singer of The Zutons and the brief exchange I had with KT Tunstall today.  Back to my point.  The point is the people you don't know or haven't heard of that also get what it's about and are very entertaining.  Sometimes mudanely, sometimes cleverly, sometimes outragously, but always entertainingly.  It's hard to find them because you don't know them and haven't heard of them, but they are out there and eventually you find one or two and they will lead you to more.  The people hovering around the 2000 followers mark are great to follow.  They are normal people who have got far purely by being entertaining on Twitter, and not because they are entertaining on the telly or the radio.  That is very much the point.  Sure, I still follow rafts of celebs, but not nearly as many as I did.  Some are on there purely for self promotion and I don't want to know about that.  Some are on their with their name, but it's their PR guy.  B-O-R-I-N-G-! Paul McCartney springs to mind.  It's the ones that are themselves and using twitter the same way as us mere mortals that are the ones to stick with, because they too have got the point.  It's not about constantly telling us about your latest book (although you'd be daft not to mention it occasionally if you did have a book out.  Just don't be @lord_sugar about it), it's about connecting to people.  Yes networking.  Social networking.  Twitter is probably the social networking site that most lives up to its remit.  To get the point of twitter is to be social and to network.  I am still only just finding my feet.  It's a long process, but it is worth it.  I still have very few followers and my main conversations are with people I know in the real world, but there are some people who I am starting to have conversations with who I have no idea who they are and that is great fun.  It's always nice to make a new friend.  Even if it is on an almost anonymous superficial level of randomly sharing a joke on the Internet.  In fact, I think that makes it all the more worthwhile.

Social Networking is also becoming remarkably powerful.  The sheer volume of people means it has a voice in the real world.  Get a few high profile celebs or a hell of a lot of people (amounts to the same thing) to make stand behind or against something and it has been seen to affect the media, and even the law and politics.  To ignore it or underestimate it's power would be a mistake in my mind.  And as more and more people are turning on to it, it's power can only increase.  Just as long as there is still a place for a picture of child screaming as though being murdered because they are sat on Father Christmas's knee or me to sneak onto Sharon's profile and write "I fucking love boobies!" as her status then all will be well.